you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
