and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
