what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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