I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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