Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im part way to drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
