return my video game
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Two words: blizzard sex
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
