It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
