I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
