Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
