Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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