we have officially lost it.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
false alarm, still single
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
