who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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