i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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