I think i sorta joined a cult last night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
