Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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