she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
