He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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