but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
