Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish my penis had a tongue
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
