MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
