im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
