i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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