she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
