I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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