3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When are your genitals available?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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