It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
