I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
