don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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