we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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