if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
