i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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