He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
