I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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