I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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