i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
