Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
