An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
