im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think your dad took our porno
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
