you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
