when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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