I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
