we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
