did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
