Yo dont text me then not text me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
