i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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