I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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