first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
