It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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