That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
