This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
